Getting back on the horse.
When you fall off it's best to get straight back on before the the thought of what just happened seeps into your subconscious and allows the fear to take over...
So I'm getting my headshots (professional portrait photos) redone in the hope that I can start getting called in for castings again (and therefore start to get some acting work.) before the 'goings on' over the last year seep too much more deeply into my subconscious and freeze up any physical creativity I may have left.
The aim of these photos is to catch casting directors' attention, which they almost certainly will but perhaps not for the right reasons... Who knows though? There may well be a gap in the market for a middle aged Caucasian female of average height and weight, with a 'number two' action man crop. Everyone needs a USP...!
The ultimate goal is to make a comfortable living as an actor. Something which (apart from a year or so of small scale touring back in '99/2000) has always alluded me. I have to admit that I have not been as focused as perhaps I could have been. But the job of mother (the most important, most rewarding (emotionally) but worst paid (financially)) has been my main commitment for over a decade. And I've always been so easily distracted...
Oh who am I trying to kid?! I've never been able to focus and dedicate myself to the singular pursuit of anything. Except walking. I can do that. But it's just too easy to be drawn off course when it comes to anything more complicated and less physical. Too easy to find something else to do.
Procrastination. What a wonderful word for a horrible thing. If my career was in a field which depended upon my talent for putting things off, making excuses and just plain avoiding the task at hand, I'd have won awards. Procrastination has eaten large parts of my life so far and despite the terror of the cancer and all that has happened over the last year, I can feel the sneak creeping back in.
I did however manage to get the new headshots this week (thanks to the very lovely and talented Jennifer Scott for a really fun morning!) so I have 'remounted the horse' and taken the first step (love a mixed metaphor!) Now to keep going and take the next step (choosing the shot that'll get me seen for the job).
This time I'd quite like to stay on the horse and get to the end of the walk...
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